What CSI: Miami Has Taught Me About Running For My Life

In an attempt to procrastinate (I kinda have essays due really soon), I have decided to "come on over" and write a post, and also to rather shamelessly talk about myself by documenting some of my experiences. Fuelled by an impeccable sugar rush - fed by dark chocolate KitKats (best. things. ever.) and low-GI-no-sugar apple juice, I have decided that the whole 4 o'clock hour would be spent procrastinating.

What CSI: Miami Has Taught Me About Running For My Life.

On Tuesdays, it is "Crime Night" on free to air television. TV shows such as NCIS, CSI: Miami and other local cheesy television programs such as Highway Patrol (which is essentially the show Cops taken out of America) are shown after the 6pm news, all the way till the station closes. Before I had cable (and before I moved), I was living in a smaller, less-worth-for-money apartment, and I used a small monitor as a telly. I used to hang out with a friend who lived in the building and we had dinner together every other night. We used to watch movies and TV shows  together, and CSI: Miami was one of them.

We'd get flustered about the many instances where poor unfortunate women try to run away from their perpetuators in cars, with their incredible stilettos and tight dresses, and ending up the next morning dead, their sad corpses found by the janitor. But after seeing some build-ups that leave poor women as dead hookers in or behind dumpsters, I started to observe what they did wrong, so here is how you effectively* run for your life.

*note that the effectiveness of these steps are totally situational-dependent.

 If you notice a car following you while you're walking home late at night,

1. Remove your heels, man.

If you plan on getting away from your creepy car-equipped assailant, you need to be able to run. So unless you keep spare flip-flops in your purse, you'd need to take these off and run barefoot. And fast.

2. Run in the opposite direction of where you were headed (or in the opposite direction of the car).

It sounds quite counter-intuitive, running towards the bad guys, but imagine they'd have to turn the car around (especially if there are other cars on the road)!!! They probably wouldn't expect it anyway, so they can't readily bolt out of the car to get you.

3. Don't freaking run into an alley.

Instead, try to maybe run towards residential areas. Cut across parks or yards, somewhere with less/no traffic. Bad guys are in the car anyway right? You wanna run towards people, they might be able to help you.

If all else fails… and your assailant catches up with you, well hey, at least you tried your best. At least you weren't a classic dead hooker case on CSI: Miami, who owed some uptight* people money or something.

*substitutable with any other adjective of your choice.